Three Secrets to a Disappointing Life by Chris White

At home we have a coffee mug that has a line drawn around the middle.  Above the line it says “half-full” and below the line it reads “half-empty”.  The glass being half-empty or half-full has never been an issue with me.  I’ve always figured anyone who can’t face the fact that their drink is almost gone is one less person I have to contend with when I go for a free refill.   One thing that does bother me about people with a naturally positive disposition is they tend to overlook obstacles in life and achieve great things in spite of them.  On the other hand melancholia has its benefits too.  We hope for the best but when the worst happens we are not in any way surprised or disappointed.  This leads me to the point of my essay which is my advice for ensuring that your life will never be quite what you want it to be:

1.  Focus on yourself first.  People who tend to focus on how they feel, how they are getting along in life, and how they are performing are guaranteed disappointment!  Martin Luther said that man was ‘incurvatus in se’ or turned in upon himself.  When I meditate on what this would look like in the physical world, it makes me think of a hunchback.  Who wouldn't want a physique like that?!  Christ calls people to find their life in Him and His was a life that regarded all others as the focus of His love and service.  So definitely avoid any challenge to put others ahead of yourself.

2. Always take the shortcut.  Whether on a hike or working, doing your taxes or business dealings, remember that getting from point A to point B the fastest is what really matters.  After all, there’s probably not going to be a reward for taking ‘the road less traveled’ so why struggle with ethics, virtue, or even hard work?  I’m sure somewhere it’s been written, ‘anything worth having is worth having instantly’ because results are far more important than character!  Right?

3. Prioritize continually your net worth.  Make certain you postpone all family vacations, avoid dinners out with your spouse, and definitely no helpful gifts to loved ones or good causes (unless you can write them off on your taxes!).  If you fritter your money away on these needless expenses, you won’t be able to look forward to living in a nice nursing home when you are old or leaving behind a large estate for your relatives to fight over.  Nobody ever got rich by being generous with their money.

Well, there you have it, my three secrets to a thoroughly disappointing life.  Follow them and you will have success.  Those wishing for a different outcome might consider taking my advice and doing just the opposite.  However, please note that I can’t guarantee anything for those who don’t follow my program.  My expertise is very limited when it comes to positive outcomes.