Stop the Madness of Self-Serv Gas

As a lifelong Oregonian, I am one of the few people in the United States today who daily lives with the privilege of having other people pump gasoline for them. In Oregon it is not an option to pump your own gas. By law I am required to sit in my car and let the professionals handle this important and hazardous job. To tell you the truth I don’t mind this one bit. People I know who have moved in from out of state despise this law. They feel they have lost their freedom and some have even said they feel socially castrated having to sit and let someone else do this job for them. Oregon is well-known for weeks of rain in the winter and if it’s not raining it’s either foggy and cold or sunny and cold. In either scenario I feel it’s nice to sit inside my car and stay warm and dry when I stop for fuel. Recently I took a road trip across the southwest and had to get out and pump my own gas. California is the most inane of all the states. You have this spring loaded cover over the nozzle that acts like some sort of technological foreskin that makes the whole process of insertion an absolute nightmare. By the time you’re done following all the steps of hitting this button and that and learning the delicate balance of not pumping too fast as to avoid shutting the system down you are pretty emotionally drained. Then you’ve got to hike in to the convenience store to pay someone of Asian or Persian descent who doesn’t even say thank-you. I felt so dirty afterwards. Arizona and New Mexico get mixed reviews in my book as well. The further east you move, the nozzles are at least circumcised and you don’t have to go inside to pay unless you are using cash. The best self-serve experience I had was in Oklahoma. It was in and out with a simple nozzle and the best part was the price was reflective of the fact I did all the work. It was like someone said “look little buddy, I know its cold outside, the wind is whipping in your face, you’re going to get gasoline all over your hands and have to wash your own windshield, but hey, we’re dropping the price by 50 cents a gallon to say a big hearty thank-you for all your hard work!” Well it’s been several weeks since I’ve been back from my trip and though I did develop a modicum of skill at the gas station, I don’t miss self-serve gasoline at all. I will admit that at times it was a lot quicker than having someone else in the equation, and in some cases it was significantly cheaper. But most of the time self-serve was the same price or even higher and you were totally alone in the process. Here in Oregon, a fill-up is more than getting gasoline. It’s about a relationship with a trained professional whose willing to get gasoline on his or her fingers so you don’t. It’s about someone you can talk to outside your car window and ask for directions or gripe about the weather and to my thinking that’s worth almost any price.